My faith is tested...

Psalm 111:7- “The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy.”

All my life I have been a Christian follower. I was blessed to grow up in the church and a church family that truly nurtured my walk with Christ, whether I saw that or not. (Dad was a youth pastor and mom worked as an administrative assistant/bible study leader, and still does, so not going to church wasn't an option). I had seen God's work and hand in my life variously through the years, but this opportunity was a truly defining and concrete validity of God's faithfulness and fulfillment of His promises. 

BUT Y'ALL. This whole process has been a test of my patience. And if I'm being honest, a test for me to trust in Him and His faithfulness. How fitting was it that I was participating in Lysa Terkeurst's Trustworthy Bible Study of 1&2 Kings with my LifeGroup during this season of change and I will preface that this study was started BEFORE any whisper of a job opportunity in Okinawa. 

I was given a tentative job offer on June 24th (tentative because there was SO MUCH PAPERWORK I had to complete and get processed) and it wasn't until Aug. 12 that I received my final job offer. But looking at that month and a half, as it was a test of my patience, more of it was a test of my faith for God and what He can and WILL do. At the beginning of it all, I was at peace with the decision. As someone who struggles with anxiety this moment of true peace was something, I hadn't experienced in a LONG WHILE.  I had truly felt that this was the path that God has chosen for me to walk. And as a friend had always reminded me, God will give you the desires of your heart. I wanted to teach for DoDEA and specifically gifted students. This was THAT EXACT OPPORTUNITY.

So I got through paperwork upon paperwork upon paperwork. And when I thought I was just about done here comes more. Blech. During that time of submitting anything and everything about me and my background (ya know 'cuz I'll be working for the government) and waiting for next steps, my LifeGroup was progressing along with our Trustworthy Bible study. And it was during this walk with the Lord growing stronger that the devil began his work. And he did not hold back the blows.

When I say things went smoothly they were. I wasn't anxious. I wasn't fearful. I wasn't questioning God. I was at peace with this decision to uproot my life in Texas and move across the world.

The first attack happened when I was working to get my passport. When you first receive your tentative offer email it includes the importance of applying for your No-Fee (Govt) passport as soon as possible as processing times can take a while. I had attempted to set an appointment at my local post office and informed the woman helping with my passport and she immediately told me not to as they would charge me fees that I could avoid if I went to a local base. Alright cool. So she forwarded my information and request to Dyess AFB in hopes they'd help set up an appointment for me. Well, a couple days go by and no response from the agent at Dyess so I took it upon myself to call them myself to see the hold-up. To my discouragement, the man who was supposed to respond had never opened his email to see the request. So I explained my situation and he denied me claiming he needed orders to process a No-Fee, despite having an email from HQPassports explaining the situation. So after this setback, HQPassports sent my information to a base in DFW to see if they would respond. Nope, nothing. At this point, it had been 2 weeks since my tentative offer and I was starting to worry. She finally had no option but to guide me to my local post office for processing. So a week later I had an appointment to complete my application. Y'all this appointment took over an hour to complete. (If y'all have ever completed your passport app at the post office they don't usually take that long) Post offices usually don't process N0-Fee passports so they were learning as they went. But I will say the man I worked with to get this done was patient and flexible and understanding of all the requirements needed to process the passport. So after it was sent off it finally arrived (which was delayed more than usual-thanks COVID) to its destination after 10 calendar days. I had a tracking number so I was able to be updated when it arrived. I emailed HQPassports to ensure it arrived only to be told that the woman helping process my passport was EXPOSED TO COVID AND COULD NOT BE BACK IN THE OFFICE UNTIL THE FOLLOWING MONDAY. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! 😠 Cue the stress, anger, panic, all the things. Devil-1, Mallory-0.

All while this passport nonsense was happening, the devil was working in another area to cause panic and stress and fear. 

As part of background checking, I was guided to send a fingerprint card to a security agency. I went to APD and had them done then sent them via USPS priority. They arrived within about 5 days. Awesome! It was then that I heard back from the security guy in charge of getting things in order that I had sent in an "expired card". Wait what?? Yes, there are different and updated versions of these FBI fingerprint cards. I sent mine on a 2010 card (that's what APD had) when the agency wanted an updated 2017 card. 😒 Luckily he had the agency overnight me 3 of the 2017 cards. I went back to APD later that day and had my fingerprints done again and went back to the post office to resend my fingerprints, again through priority shipping. This was a mistake. I waited for nearly 2 weeks for my 2nd set of fingerprints to arrive only for them to get lost in the mail. I had been in contact with my security agent the entire time only for him to tell me that if I didn't get them fingerprints soon they'd suspend the background investigation request and I would have to do all the background things all over again, thus postponing receiving my final offer. Keep in mind this had spilled into August by this point and I needed to resign from my current job in Abilene as soon as possible to give my school enough time to replace me. 
Devil-2, Mallory-0

I hit my breaking point. I endured my first anxiety attack in some time. I felt the world crashing down. The pain of fear, stress, panic, anger, worry, doubt, and all the other emotions that only the devil could throw at me. I wanted nothing but this whole opportunity to just go away because of the terrible headache it was causing. In that moment the only clear thinking that I could get through was that I couldn't be home alone for the night. If I had spent the rest of the evening alone in my apartment I knew that the destructive thoughts that the devil was putting into my head would only cause more pain. I immediately called my cousin out in Midland and told her what was going on. I let her know that I wanted (and frankly needed) to get away for the weekend and wanted to tag along with her and her little one to Hillsboro for the weekend to breathe. To this she, and my aunt and uncle, had no objections and I was so incredibly grateful for that time to just get away and get outta my head for a weekend. 

*I did go get my fingerprints done AGAIN (for the third time) in Hillsboro and sent the card overnight express to ensure they would arrive ASAP. And they did. They arrived at the security agency the following Monday.*

After speaking to my cousin, I called my "mom and dad" in Abilene and through choked back tears I explained what was going on and there was no hesitation from either of them to invite me over and love on me. They were driving at the time and had pulled up to a Fazoli's in the drive-thru and as I was on speaker I hear Jessica say aloud, "What do you want to eat? Order whatever you want." That's a mom, y'all.💗 Being at their house that night was so therapeutic. I needed love, comfort, support, and reassurance at that moment, and these 2 people that God blessed me with wanted nothing but to be that comfort that I needed. 

If there is anything that I have learned about myself and my anxiety is that I cannot be alone. And in my vulnerable state of anxiety, the devil is working hard to use anxious thoughts during that loneliness to tear me apart. One of the ways I have found to combat those anxious thoughts and blows from the devil is to be with people. There's strength in numbers and when I am surrounded by people, especially strong Christ-following people, the devil doesn't stick around. This was the strength I needed leaving the Seca house that night. And man did the Lord give it to me. I turned on my radio to AirOne and JAMMED on my way home. The next thing I knew I was pulling into my apartment complex, praying (actually I was shouting) in my car of the strength of the Lord to dispel the devil and any hold he had on me. NOT TODAY SATAN.

Finally, things start to work themselves out to get back on schedule. All the while I have kept my current (AISD) principal in the loop about this new opportunity while also letting my soon-to-be principal up to date with issues and concerns. At one point, I let her know that if I didn't hear anything by a certain date that I may not officially accept the offer. The date that I had informed her of slowly crept up and it was in my heart that I heard the Lord say to me, "Just wait. Trust me and wait." So I did. The date passed and I didn't decline the offer. I kept waiting around for my official. Which by the way, made my mother very anxious herself. A couple days prior to the first day of contract for AISD, I went up to my school and began to work in my classroom of taking things down and packing them away. 😟 I knew I would be taking the job in Okinawa and I wanted to be prepared to be packed up as soon as I put in my resignation. (So shout out to Cristi for spending a WHOLE DAY helping me pack up all my things and take down my bulletin boards when she could've been doing things for her own room and Ty for being the muscle and mind to load all my classroom things into my car and his truck). For a few days, I was hearing the whisper of God tell me "Take a chance on me". Wellllllllll, that resignation happened and it happened at 4:45 PM the day before the first day of contract. I still hadn't received my official but I felt it necessary to resign prior to being on contract for a new school year. I didn't know what was in store or when I would receive my official job offer but I knew it was time to take a chance on God. So I did.

Y'all I received my offer at 9 am the next morning! 😲

So to bring ALL OF THIS home....the entire time GOD HAD MY BACK. Even during the trials that the devil tried to put in my way to doubt the goodness of the Lord, He didn't waver. God-INFINITY, Satan-ZERO. And sure maybe God made me wait and entrusted me with a test of patience but He had a purpose. He put people in my life, in my corner to support, love, fight for and with me, during this HUGE transition of my life, and for that, I am forever grateful to those that stuck by me to remind me of God's faithfulness and that He IS trustworthy. 

And if there was a theme song for this season in my life, this is the one.

Lysa Terkeurst said it well in her Trustworthy study-

"This is how we stop resisting God’s ways. This is where we start finding a more grounded faith, renovated hearts, and a strengthened trust in God like never before. We look to His Word for the truth of His faithfulness. Because when we remember His faithfulness, we come to believe that because God is faithful, He can be trusted."